I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
