no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
