I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
