Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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