I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
