Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
