my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
