How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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