Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
