She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
