Me. At least after what I've been through.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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