I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
