and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
