once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
