Midget sex pt 2 tonight
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
