I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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