It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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