There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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