Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
