I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just cropdusted the office
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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