I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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