Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
