I wish my penis had an off switch
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
