Screwed.edu
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
