I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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