So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
