I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
