If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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