You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Floor bacon is actually really good
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