Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
