I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
