his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
