and you said cock pushups were impossible
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
