Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
