just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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