were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
