Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
