Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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