Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
