So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
