I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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