Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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