i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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