Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
