i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you mean i was at the winter classic?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
