It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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