I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
