is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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