dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
