Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
